AWOL

It has been a while.  Life has gotten in the way.  Creativity has been stifled by a house full of sniffles, fevers, and general chaos.  I feel like I am just getting my feet under me again.  That should last for about 10-15 minutes.  There are times when I feel like I could write 8 blogs in a row.  I don’t because I know the bombardment of the banal would cause my few followers to jump ship, but, there are times it feels possible.  And then there are times like this past month. 

 I know you have all been there.  The minutia of motherhood (or work,relationships,commitments) becomes a constant static in your head.  There are no channels coming in clearly and you are going batty from the noise.  This past month I feel like my antennae have been broken.  Granted, I have been nursing sick kids, making Halloween costumes, suffering through allergies, while trying to keep up with everything that comes with life.  Not the most conducive atmosphere to pen (or type) anything of interest.  And yet, it is hard to see past the fog sometimes. 

In the fog, I question everything and the answers are usually negative.  I judge myself harshly.  I judge my husband harshly.  I question my decision-making and feel like I am failing at everything.  I look around at all the other women who seem to be doing (fill in the blank) so much better than I can.  They are juggling careers, kids, volunteering, and still have clean homes and a tight derriere.  What?  I can’t even shower before 5pm some days. 

And then the fog starts to lift, usually after a few decent nights of sleep, some exercise, and some alone time.  I remember that the comparison game is a slippery slope into depression.  I remind myself that each of my amazing friends possess talents that I do not, and I have some that they may not have.  In a recent study of Ecclesiastes, I was struck by one of Solomon’s bits of wisdom.  He said,”Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of desire; this also is vanity and chasing after the wind.”  I should be grateful for, and use the talents that I have, not compare them with the ones I do not have.  A wandering desire…yes, that too, is part of the fog.

So, at this point, you are probably asking yourself, “What does this have to do with wine?”  It doesn’t.  Whine, maybe, but not much about wine.  But, this blog is written by a Stay At Home Mom with not many opportunities to process.  So I am processing here.  On my blog.  A blog mostly about wine. which I promise to write about soon.  Promise.  Cheers.

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4 responses

  1. You make me laugh! I know how you feel; the fog does not discriminate ;-) Yes alone time is essential, time to witness the stillness, the silence….just BE. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to be…ahhhh.
    So, my Richie Boy is leaving for Costa Rica this evening and I will soon enough get some of that special time…It’s not that we don’t love our children, or partner, family, job or whatever; and we should never feel guilty for desiring time alone. It’s healthy. It’s balance. And it’s an essential piece which allows us to truly appreciate all the gifts we are given. This is the idea of one of the 8 limbs of yoga ‘Pratyahara’ (sanskrit) means withdrawal of the senses. BTW: 8 blogs would not scare me away! xo peace, harmony, laughter and love, tara

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